Marriage is a beautiful thing until it ends. Divorce can get downright ugly.
Marriage statistic suggests that about 40-50% of marriages end in divorce in the United States. But, why?
Knowing the answers to this pressing question will help put you on the happy ever after side of this percentage. And who better to get your marriage advice from than the divorce lawyers who deal with all of the aftermath?
7 Bits of Divorce Lawyer Marriage Advice
Seek out this free divorce attorney council now, before you find yourself needing to pay for one later. Learn how to stay married with these 7 tips from the people who see it all.
Learning to say ‘I’m sorry’ can make life so much better. Divorce lawyers suggest that it’s how to stay together. Yet, people let pride catch their tongue instead.
Couples who end up divorced often overlooked the power of apology. Saying just two words tells the other person that you recognize their pain and truly regret it.
It also shows that they mean more than your ego. Though it does not erase your wrongdoing, an apology allows for them to heal from the wounds it caused.
But, when you say it, be sincere. An insincere apology can feel worse than none at all, adding insult to injury.
2. Be Honest or Stay Quiet
Honesty will help keep your marriage happy and stress-free, according to divorce lawyers. Lies pile up and make a mess of everything and so can silence.
Talk openly with your partner about wants, needs, pet peeves, and even wrongdoings. But, also know when silence will save you.
Set the virtue of honesty aside when you feel angry. You can always tell the important truths later while leaving out the overly critical remarks that may roll off your tongue in the heat of the moment.
3. Put Your Spouse First
Divorce lawyers suggest that you make your marriage the most important relationship by far. It comes ahead of all friendships, family-ships, and even relationships with adult children.
Is marriage worth it, think cost and commitment if you do not want to make it a priority? Failing to will end in disaster.
So, how do you actively put the other person first?
Randomly praise them for doing things that make you proud, like cooking an amazing dinner or simply making you feel loved. It may sound like something you do with a child, but this will help them feel appreciated. Lack of appreciation kills marriages.
Find little moments during a busy day to let them know you love them. Send a text, sneak a hug, or drop a note where they will eventually find it.
Always consider their schedule prior to making plans. Remember, no plans trump your relationship.
Hearing and listening do not mean the same thing. If you think that they do, then divorce attorneys expect to see you in their office.
When your partner expresses thoughts and feelings to you, listen to them. Take what they say to heart, even if you feel differently.
Acknowledge that you heard them and open it up for a discussion when appropriate. This will help them feel important, especially when you disagree.
Do not let the listening fall apart with small talk. Little conversations can cue you in on big feelings.
One bull will wreck a China shop. Two bulls will destroy each other.
Stubbornness only invites chaos. Learn the art of compromise if you want your marriage to last.
Let go of grudges and the need to be right. Instead, live happily.
Share your feelings and beliefs, and in turn, listen to your partner’s. Once you lay it all out, find where you agree and then bend some of your expectations to fit with theirs. Accept making changes together so that you do not keep ‘my way and ‘your way’, but rather create ‘our way’.
Comprising tells your partner that their feelings matter to you. It also shows them that you trust in their decision-making capabilities. Both of these factors carry great weight.
6. Keep Things New
This does not mean to go out and cheat. It means, make an effort to keep the same marriage fresh by doing new things. If you do not believe divorce attorneys on this one, then listen to science.
When you fall in love with a person, you experience a high. This happens from a rush of feel-good neurotransmitters flooding your brain and basically drugging you.
Novel experiences create an extremely similar effect within the brain. They activate the pleasure centers of the brain with endorphins like dopamine and serotonin.
Mix that with the release of oxytocin created from human touch as you hug your partner, hold their hand, and kiss them amidst the newness. This will help you two fall in love over and over again.
7. Keep Privacy
Let’s start by saying that this differs from hiding your marriage. People never hide their spouses from family, friends, or people on Facebook with good intentions.
But, you should keep intimate and unsightly details of your marriage private. Rather than running to others during an argument, talk with your spouse.
Of course, you want validation from somebody else that you’re right, because of pride. But, you should care more to seek understanding, explanations, and compromise from your spouse, because of commitment.
Before you share information with other people, ask yourself these questions:
- Are you seeking helpful advice or validation?
- Will sharing this information create any positive change?
- Can you tell your spouse that you told them this?
- Will your show and tell session lead them to think less of your spouse?
Focus on fixing your relationship and not airing your dirty laundry if you want your marriage to withstand the tests of time.
Grow Together, Not Apart
For a long-lasting relationship, use this marriage advice to continuously grow together. Otherwise, you will inevitably grow apart.
As much as we love divorce lawyers for keeping the peace amidst the broken pieces, we hope you stay married forever. Read tips about money, travel, and parenting on our website to help this happen.