It’s a Jungle Out There: Three Rules for Urban Dating
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It’s a Jungle Out There: Three Rules for Urban Dating

Rules for Urban Dating

Hey, Urban Housewives! Get ready for a great guest post from the ever-fabulous Maria B., my ultimate fave dating guru. She’s here to share some serious wisdom for those of you who haven’t gone off the market yet, and it’s gonna get sassy. Consider yourself warned! Check out Maria B.’s three rules for urban dating below.

I should preface this with some fast facts about myself, so that you’ll know that I do know what I’m talking about here.

I’m a young, single woman who is still out there dating.

I’ve been living in New York, New York for six years and counting.

I’ve dated countless men, boys, guys, jerks, and sweethearts. Some more seriously than others.

I’ve been on dates and non-dates.  [Aside: Can we agree to call it a non-date if he doesn’t pay for you in first-date territory?]

I’ve had my heart broken and I’ve broken a few myself.  Ahem.

And amidst all of it, I’ve learned a great deal about who I am and what I’m looking for in that special someone.  As well as what I’m so not looking for.  Ok, so now that you know a little bit about me, I hope you’ll see how serious I am about my rules.  Dead serious.  Please learn from my mistakes and avoid some creeps in the process.

Rule #1 – Never, ever, never date a man with a beard.  This sounds harsh, I know. But hear me out.  I dated one bearded man who had a smelly stench beard. But I didn’t realize this fact until I went home from a date with my own stinky face and put two and two together to realize that kissing or making out with BeardBoy equals stench.  I had to wash my face.  Occupational hazard.   Ok example numero dos.  I gave one other bearded man a chance only to realize that BeardBoyTwo was non-committal.  I think his beard was his security blanket protecting him from getting in too deep with Miss Wonderful.  His loss.  Beard today, gone tomorrow.  My last example is technically a NonBeard.  It was a man that made me his metaphorical beard.  Ladies, if you have even the slightest, tiniest inkling that your man is gay…run the other direction and don’t become his beard.  Moral of the story is please steer clear of men with beards, unless you want an odor on your face, a man who runs away, or to realize you’re a straight girl stuck in a gay relationship.   Who would want any of that?  Exactly.

Rule #2 – Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket. That is, until one said egg has made it fully clear that he is eggy for you and only you.  Common sense right?  Well my friends, common sense is by no means common in these parts.  In NYC, the men will simply not let you know if you are their girlfriend, best friend with benefits, or stylist.  It can be tricky to figure out, and no girl wants to be that girl who brings up this touchy subject.  Instead, I say keep dating other men, even if you only want to be with that one special someone.  If he wants to be your boyfriend, he must make that clear using words.  If that has not yet happened, then you can safely assume he is seeing other people and keeping his options open.  You and I deserve a man who wants us to shut down shop and be with only him.  If he’s not making that clear, by all means do not stop dating other guys, and do not reserve every Saturday night for him.  Be busy and go on with your fabulous single life.  Because you’re great, and you’re worth it.  And hey, maybe one of the other guys you date will be the one to end up sweeping you off your feet completely.

Rule #3 – Never shave your legs before a date that you don’t want to go too far.  In full disclosure, I learned this gem from the movie Return to Me, and it is a rule that hasn’t failed me (yet).  I believe that if you’re unsure if “that far” is too far for a given situation, then it is.  If you’re unsure of the current guy’s intentions, then he should make said intentions clear before getting to bases that require shaven legs (in my never humble opinion).  It’s usually these particular instances in which I want to throw caution to the wind, shave my legs, and get jiggy with it, that later I’m grateful.  Grateful that I didn’t waste time and effort shaving my legs for some dude who never called.  And grateful that I didn’t let things go too far with a man-child who wasn’t worth the razor.

Maria B. is our favorite dating guru from the Upper East Side with that perfect mix of sass and class. When she’s not working as a registered nurse, she’s nursing the relationship wounds of broken hearts all over Manhattan. Click here to see more posts by Maria B.

Photo Credit: x-ray delta one

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